Peace Over Dysfuntional Love

Do you ever get tired of going into every year the same way and with the same problems? It can get pretty repetitive. It’s like we think that once the New Year comes and the clock strikes 12 midnight, there is some pixy dust that sprinkles on our lives and POOF! Everything changes and gets better. But of course we know (or should know) that’s not how it works. It’s up to us to make the change and have a changed mindset.


1 Corinthians 15:53 Do not be deceived: “bad company corrupts good morals.”


I remember being in a relationship that was a never ending failure. No matter how much time went on or how many times the clock struck 12 on Jan 1st. Nothing changed. In a relationship, it takes both people to change. One person can’t try to change everything. The only way to change is to let go of the toxic relationship.


Proverbs 22: 24-25 Make no friends with a man given to anger nor go with a wrathful man lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.


I was speaking to a friend once around the end of the year, explaining an issue in a relationship. I remember her asking me, do you really want to do this for another year? My answer of course, was no. However, I stayed in the relationship. But once again, nothing was getting better. Now when I look back on the time when we just continued this never ending cycle of toxicity, it makes me so grateful that I was finally able to let go and now I have so much peace with it. It can be difficult letting go of something we have held on to for so long. We feel like we can see the potential in someone. So we wait for them to change. Some of us even feel like we can change someone. (That has been me so many times.) We think if we love them hard enough things will get better. Now I’m not knocking it. Sometimes, this happens. Sometimes, the other person may want to be better for you, and so they take steps to change. This is a blessing.


However, we have to be watchful for the time when that is not happening. If you have been in a relationship that is not changing, nothing is getting better, it may be time to just let go. Don’t put your mind and peace at risk to hold onto something that God is clearly telling you to let go of.

Signs that it is time to let go:

1. God never ordained the relationship from the start.

2. There is no good communication and one party is not willing to change the way they communicate.

3. There is a consistent pattern of abuse (physical, verbal and emotional).

4. There is division because of religious beliefs and when discussed, an argument arises.

5. There is constant conviction about being in the relationship and it goes against what you stand for.

6. You are constantly crying or angry, having thoughts of giving up. You have no peace or joy whatsoever.

7. You are fearful about letting go.

8. The relationship does not exemplify Jesus Christ.

9. The relationship is a never ending cycle. Things get better for a little while but then go back to being toxic again. The person does something wrong, says sorry, but continues to do it again and again.


These are just a few examples based on my experiences. I’m sure I can name a whole lot more. But we know ultimately know when something is not good for us. Don’t get me wrong. It will be hard at first. You’ll cry and feel like you are having withdrawals. But God loves us so much. He is just waiting for us to love ourselves and see us the way he sees us. He never wants us to be involved in something that constantly hurts us or something that doesn’t glorify him. When we know who we are in him, we can see more clearly about who we should have in our lives. Take hold of God’s peace and let go of dysfunctional love. There is someone better for you!