Going through divorce is not easy, especially if you are not the one filing for it or agreeing with it. Divorce can be nasty, if you make it that way. I do want to take a moment to say that this is my testimony. This is not a blog saying that divorce is okay or should happen for any reason. Just grab some coffee, tea or whatever and keep reading.
It happened October 2016. I had gotten so fed up with so much and decided I was ready to file for the divorce. The sad thing is my marriage had ended the same way it started, for all the wrong reasons. My ex husband and I had been through so much, endured so much and both done so much throughout the course of our marriage that we had come to a complete breaking point. Or atleast I did. So much had happened that I just couldn't take it anymore.
We had both made mistakes. But this moment was the worst. There were so many times when I had prayed to God saying, "I can't do this anymore. I want out." At the time, I wasn't consistently reading my bible, I wasn't waiting to hear from God and allowing him to teach me how to be a wife and wait for him to work on my husband. We had a court date set for January 21, 2017. That day came fast. And I was scared. While we were waiting for the date I had started studying and praying to God and had a full change of heart. But things were so bad my Ex was ready to get it over and done with.
We went to the court date and my heart was beating soooo fast. He and I didn't say a word to one another. In the middle of the hearing, I looked at the judge and said, "I dont want to go through with this." Just like that the hearing stopped and was dismissed. However things still didnt get better. Fast forward to January 2018, I finally said, "Ok, I'm going to go ahead and just go through with the divorce." I had already filed again. Biblically, we had every right to be divorced and I had been hearing God, CLEARLY, giving me lead way to go ahead and let go.
However, that fear arose again. I continued studying my bible, seeking wise cousel. And I was so depressed and confused!! I want to workout my marriage but I can't do it alone. It was a hopeless situation. But God's voice became louder and louder. I had read the story of the Isrealites crossing the red sea. I had read it about 2 times and I kept feeling like God was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't figure out what it was. I was looking for confirmation to stay in my marriage. I was like, "God, are you saying that the ten plagues represent the ten times I should try and go and work things out with my husband and he is going to have a hard heart? Is that what you are telling me?" LOL LOL LOL.
One day, I was home alone and I clearly heard God say to me, "You are just like the Isrealites. All those times you have cried out to me and begged me to release you and now you want to go back." That was a very hard thing to hear. But I sucked it up and said ok God. We were waiting on the court date, which had come quickly again. The next day after God spoke was a Sunday. That monday I had been reading a bible plan called don't look back. I had coincidentally missed two days, so I had to catch up. I went through both of the readings and they were about the very thing that God had spoken to me about. They included the story of the Isrealites crossing the red sea and everything. I knew It was God confirming to me what to do.
While I was reading, I heard God saying, keep moving forward. He told me my divorce was going to be my red sea crossing. He said just like the water was so big and vast and it looked scary to the Isrealites, it will be the same with you. Its going to be scary and feel like you can't do it, but just like I parted the red sea for them, I'm going to get you through it. He also reminded me that when they did cross the red sea, even though they were free from bondage, they still had to go through things, they still had to depend on God, they still had some setbacks and had to fall a couple times, but in the end, they made it to Canaan. (Well, some of them). God was telling me the same things.
This has been a journey, but I got through it. After going through the motions, God had given me so much peace and joy and FREEDOM! He showed me that he was with me. He is still with me, I know it. I am still learning and growing and figuring things out. I still have battles but I am greatful God has not given up on me.
He is faithful!!!