Being a wife is the goal of so many women. We desire it so much that we put a time limit on it. We say, “I want to be married by the time I’m this age.” Rarely do some women really take time to just enjoy their single time. We want to move past that part and jump right into being loved by someone. We don’t realize that in our single timeis time to just be loved by God and learn to love ourselves. I am learning in my single time that it is a time where I can focus on my goal. I find so much peace in being able to pursue purpose without the distractions. I don’t have to check with any one, I can come and go as I please. I can get a lot done in my spare time. Do I have the desire to be in a relationship? Of course. I would love to be married again. But there are also some things in me that God has to reconcile and things I need to learn before I can take that path again.
That’s the important thing. We have to seek God on his views of how a wife should be. A lot of us go into marriage with a preconceived idea of marriage. We look at celebrities, we read self-help books, but we don’t take time to allow God to teach us. As a girlfriend, it is the time to test the waters (not sexually). It’s a time to ask questions. It’s a time to get to know each other. It’s a time to really court each other and seek God together. As a girlfriend, you can still pursue goals, as well as a wife. But as a girlfriend, you don’t have to really answer to your boyfriend or check with him. You can talk to each other about your goals and plans. Also being a girlfriend, it’s easier to recognize that a relationship is not good for you and you can walk away.
I want us as women to understand the importance of not trying to take on the role of being a wife before we are married. A lot of women want to be a wife because it sounds good. But being a wife comes with a certain spiritual anointing. We have it on the inside of us, but its certain fruit that needs to be bore. Being a wife is not just about a title. When God calls you to be a wife, he is expecting certain things. First we have to have a relationship with him. We can’t possibly be good wives if we don’t have a relationship with God. As a girlfriend, you have no obligation to other person. Marriage is a beautiful union that is formed by God.
Marriage is fun. But also, being a wife requires some things. These are some notes that I wrote during the time when I was studying marriage:
• Genesis 2:23-24 God created women to compliment men.
• Genesis 2:18 God created marriage so men doesn’t have to be alone
• Genesis 2:20 We are helpers to our husbands
• Matthew 19:6 Marriage causes a man and woman to become one flesh
• Being a wife requires respect for your husband. Reverencing him, noticing him, regarding him, upholding him, valuing his opinion, admiring his commitment to you, and considering his needs and values.
• Accepting your husband as an imperfect person.
• Submitting to the leadership of your husband.
• Working with your husband in everything and agreeing on important decisions. Not making decisions on your own.
• Not gossiping and speaking ill of your husband. Even when venting, choose your words wisely.
Some of these things we should be doing as a girlfriend. But being a girlfriend is not the same as being a wife. Being a wife is work. Marriage is work. When you get married, you are connecting your lives together. You are saying, whatever you have going on in your life, I’m taking on the weight of it all and bearing it with you. It requires patience, understanding, forgiveness and endurance. These are just some of the things that I’ve learned.
I don’t want women to think that everything is on the wife. Husbands have roles too. But we are responsible for learning our part. When we do that, we can be successful at being the wife God calls us to be. It’s not about being slaves or letting your husband walk over you. But it’s about worshiping and serving God. I believe when both people serve each other as an act of worship to God, then both parties get what they need out of the marriage. So think about these things. Don’t go into marriage without a plan, or without the knowledge of what marriage really is according to God’s word. Read it. Study it. Learn from it. So that when you do get married, you’ll be able to appreciate it more.
As my pastors say, 'marriage is for grown folk.'